Love Me or Leave Me

I have no problem admitting that being bitchy is part of my unpolished personality.  Sometimes I just can’t help myself.  You can take it or leave it, but my bitchiness comes with the territory.

Other than reading my horoscope from time to time, Astrology isn’t really my thing.  However, according to my sign, it would appear that I am a tried and true textbook Virgo.  I had no control over what month I was born, so it’s not even my fault that I tend to get a little bitchy!

The Sun, The Moon & The Stars

I can barely name all the planets in the Solar System and my knowledge about the Sun, the Moon and the Stars is probably on the same level as that of a second grader.  I’d surely lose if I was on one of those game shows competing against kids in elementary school.  When it comes to the Milky Way Galaxy, I’m definitely not smarter than a 5th grader!

Blamin’ It On The Moon

I’ve been taking the heat for being a moody bitch for years.  I defend my bitchy behavior by owning it.  It’s not ALL the time, but sometimes yes, I know I’m a bitch!  I’m not gonna deny it.  Friends who feel comfortable enough to call me out on it do so and I’m fine with that.

I always appreciate their candor.  It’s so much better to be called a bitch to my face rather than behind my back.

I guess I should rephrase the paragraph above.  It’s so much better to be called a bitch via text message than behind my back!

This morning, my yoga teacher started class by announcing there had been a Full Moon.  He went on to say that if any of us had been feeling out of sorts or extra emotional or more stressed than usual, we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves because it most likely had something to do with the Moon, for August 10th was not only a Full Moon, but a Super Moon.

When I heard this, I was elated and relieved!  He didn’t use the actual word in his speech, but I took it upon myself to assume that my increased bitchiness must be because of this Lunar thing.

I’m so glad I showed up for class otherwise I wouldn’t have realized being a raging be-otch is something I can now blame on the Moon.  Phew!

After class, I did a little research to back up this theory.  A group of students who refer to themselves as the Lunar Mooners did a study titled, Human Behavior with Relation to the Lunar Cycle:

“In researching the effects of the lunar cycle in relation to human behavior, the information digested has led us to an assumption of some possible outcomes. Our prediction is quite simple. When the moon is full, people, both male and female, will experience a slight change in their mood and behavior. They will suffer more from stress and become more emotionally unstable. Persons will be more sensitive to details and the slightest change could affect their emotional stableness. Work overload will cause an influx of intense stress. Persons will want alone time to deal with their own frustrations. They will lack the attention span to deal with others and will have a lack of assertiveness.” 

Or, in unpolished words:  When there is a Full Moon the tendencies to behave like a moody bitch are probable.  Actually they are highly probable.  In my case, they are factual!  No matter how many crazy pills I take, when there’s a Full Moon Imma still a Moony Bitch!   

Tracking Your Moony Bitchiness

For all you moony bitches out there, take a look at the dates below.  I’ve listed the remaining Full Moons for the 2014 calendar year so you can be aware of any upcoming bitchiness.  You may wanna let your loved ones know about these dates too so they can prepare for the potential shifts in your personalities.

REMAINING 2014 FULL MOON DATES: 

September 9th

October 8th

November 6th

December 6th

I’m thinking of getting a piece of oak tag and a highlighter so I can make an 8×10 Imma Moony Bitch Chart to hang in the kitchen.  My husband will undoubtedly be grateful for the heads up.  No one likes to be blindsided by the unpolished warpath that comes out of left field.

I can’t wait for the rant to start on September 9th.  He’ll freak when I morph into Mrs. Lunatic Lady and then he’ll say,  “Why the hell are you such a moody fucking bitch?”  Instead of my usual response, “I don’t knowwww.  I just AM.  Deal with it!”  I’ll be prepped and ready to say, “YOU SHUDDA CHECKED THE CHART.  THAT WAS YOUR ADVANCED NOTICE.   NOW THERE’S A REASON FOR MY BITCHINESS!  DON’T BLAME ME… BLAME THE FUCKING MOON!”

JUST TO LET YOU KNOW… The good news is that after my Full Moon Bitch Fest, the New Moon will set in.  When this happens in about two weeks, I’ll chill out and resume some level of normalcy.  The New Moon restores balance and I”ll be once again centered.  (Well, as centered as one can be for an unpolished person.)

According to those Lunar Mooners: “When a new moon occurs, people, male and female, will experience a sense of calmness. Their emotions will stabilize and their willingness to accept difficulties will reach its peak. The persons will be more energetic and open-minded. Optimism will also result from this moon phase. They will become more susceptible to change. Along with this sense of emotional tranquility, the individuals will get more work done.” 

JTLUK, the remaining 2014 New Moon dates are August 25, September 24, October 23, November 22, and December 22.  

I’m hoping I don’t end up being a bitch on those days too, because it won’t be mooniness to blame;  It’ll be straight up, good ol’ psycho-bitch moodiness with nothing to blame it on but my unpolished self!