That's Annoying Too… The Supermarket Edition

Did you catch my first That’s Annoying blog?  It was originally published back in October.

If you missed it…

 click here for the link.

Now that you’re hopefully caught up, I imagine you’ll agree that there’s hardly a shortage of annoying situations.  As a matter of fact, I already have my next random That’s Annoying list waiting to be published.  However for today, I’m strictly focusing on a single topic that’s annoying enough to cover an entire blog: The Supermarket!

So here goes:

1.  Parking:  If having to go to the market eighty times in one week isn’t annoying enough, finding an available parking space is even more annoying.  The lot is always so jam-packed, one might wonder if they are giving the stuff away for free.  It would be easier to leave my car at home and walk the two miles rather than to fight for a spot.  Don’t get too excited when you spy a vacant space either; it’s vacant because some idiot left their shopping cart smack in the middle of the road.  You either gotta get out and move it, or keep driving for the next one.  That’s kinda annoying don’t ya think?

2.  Road Rage In Aisle Five:  Getting through a grocery shop without having a stranger ram his or her cart into the back of my bare ankles is nothing short of a miracle.  I’m confused though as to why exactly this happens… Am I invisible so you just didn’t see me?  Or are we playing a game of bumper carts and slamming me without warning is part of the fun?  Not only is that annoying, but it’s also painful!  So basically, it’s painfully annoying!

3.  The Deli Counter Debacle:  The mere thought of the inefficiency that takes place at the supermarket deli counter makes me twitch.  In my life I have NEVER, ever, ever, NEVER, everrrrrr been subjected to more of an unpolished nightmare on a consistent basis.  The chances of showing up and being the only one in line are about as slim as winning the lottery.  Usually, the ratio of impatient customers waiting to be helped versus the incompetent, slower than molasses employees who work behind the counter is about 463:3.  You don’t need to be a mathematician to figure out the odds of how fucking annoying that is!

Sometimes if I’m in an unpolished mood, I perch myself up against the nearby cold case of coleslaw, potato and macaroni salads and just watch the drama unfold.  However, most of the time I take one look at the crazyyyyy counter chaos and immediately whip my cart around in the opposite direction faster than you can say, “I’ll take a half pound of Boar’s Head Oven Gold Low Sodium Turkey.”

Also, can somebody please tell me whose idea it was to put an individual piece of plastic in between every goddamn piece of sliced cheese?  Seriously, I want to know.  I neeeeeedddd to know.  Maybe that’s the reason the line moves at a snail’s pace.  Beyond annoying!

4.   Leggo My Eggo:  Is it a coincidence that every time I try to open up that freezer door to grab a box of waffles there happens to be another person wedging their annoying arm into the exact same spot?

Annoying Person: “Oh sorry, you go.”

Me:  “No, it’s okay.  Just go”.

Annoying Person: “No, you go.”

Me:  “No, no.  Just GO.  G’head, take what you need.”

Annoying Person:  “No. No. You go.”

Me:  “OMG for crying out loud, if you want me to go THEN MOVE OUT OF MY WAY!”

5. Frito-Lay Family Fun Mix Chips Variety Packs:  Nowadays they make those big variety packs of chips that have four or five different choices within each bulk package of twenty individual bags.  These economy- sized packs are great when your children eat like animals or when it’s your turn to be the “snack person” at your child’s youth basketball game.  What’s annoying is that there’s always one flavor that nobody likes and since I hate to throw out perfectly good food, over time I’m left with a pantry full of Chili Cheese Fritos, French Onion Sun Chips, and Sweet & Spicy BBQ Potato Chips.  I wish there was a way to create your own variety packs so that nothing would go to waste.

Tell the truth: Does anyone like the FUNYUNS?

6.  Buy One Get One Free:  I love free stuff.  Who doesn’t?  You get to the checkout line and the cashier announces that the Special K she just scanned is Buy One Get One Free.  At first you’re psyched but then you realize the second box of cereal is still on the shelf all the way in aisle four and now you gotta run back and grab it.   Not only are you annoyed, but rest assured the people in line behind you are annoyed too!

“Ugh, sorry.  Sorry.  Excuse me.  Can I just squeeze by?  I’ll be right back.  One sec.  I just gotta….”

7. Would You Like To Donate A Dollar:  Look, I’m at this supermarket every freakin’ day.  You know me. You know my kids.  We’re practically on a first name basis.  Whyyyyyyy do you have to ask me every single time if I wanna donate a dollar?  I just spent over five hundred dollars AND I gave a dollar yesterday, and the day before….. ANDDDD didn’t I give you a dollar the day before that?  Can you please cut me a break just this once?  I know it’s part of your job to ask, but come on!

To be clear, it’s my philanthropic pleasure to help those in need, and I truly try my very best to donate as much as possible, but I’m not a bank.  I don’t want this to come across as me being cheap, except it’s reallllllllly annoying when you ask me every freakin’ day.  If I give you twenty bucks will you leave me the fuck alone?

8.  Bagging The Groceries:  It’s called bagging the groceries for a reason.  It’s meant to be plural.  It’s not called bagging the grocery.  Whether you choose to go the canvas, paper or plastic route, I’m fairly confident that all bags are strong enough to handle a bunch of shit, not just one item per bag.  So I ask you, is there a reason you bagged the ketchup separately?  Why is there only one can of soup in this other bag?  Seriously, load it up!  Pile that crap in!  Don’t be shy.  Make it heavy!  I can take it.  Seventy-two bags with a single item in each bag is no bueño!  I’ll tell you what it is though; it is MUY ANNOYING!

Do you get annoyed at the supermarket?  Is it just me or do some of these situations sound familiar?  If you have any tips on making the task a little less annoying feel free to chime in.

JUST TO LET YOU KNOW…. Of all the annoying supermarket sagas, the biggest and most annoying saga of them all has got to be the one that goes like this:

Spend a bazillion dollars on food….Unload the bazillion dollars worth of food into the fridge, freezer and pantry….Leave the kitchen for two minutes….Return to the kitchen to find more than three quarters of all the newly purchased food already eaten….The bunch of eight bananas….Gone!  The six-pack of Danimals yogurt smoothie drinks….Drank!  The entire package of Perdue chicken dinosaurs….Finished!  The extra large bowl of mixed fruit….Devoured!  Those Buy One Get One Free boxes of cereal…Empty!   AND THEN…..You gotta listen to the kids complain that there’s never anything to eat in the house!   THAT’S UNPOLISHEDLY ANNOYING!!!!!!!!!!